I've been cheated by you.

We sit in my lounge room. 9PM. Friday night. Bored as fuck. There’s nothing going on. “Where we gonna go?” “Out.” We stand up, head to the cars. The merits of each club are debated. This one’s sleazy This one’s rap This one’s tacky And that’s just crap I think seriously on the possibility of dancing at 2AM to bootylicious, undulating, dry rooting R&B... I stop thinking. The general consensus is that “tacky” is the best of our four options. Plus we know the promotions guy there, so we might be able to scab ourselves some free drinks. We crank up the car stereo and wank our way there. On arrival at the club we are greeted by a smiling bouncer who remembers us. Oh shit. We’re regulars. I’ve never been so embarrassed. I look around. While I’m here, I may as well get me some sex... Having spent the entire night in the pursuit of sexual gratification, it is somewhat disappointing to find my only offer is from a woman named Angie, who is aged at a youthful 42. “Fuck that for a joke.” I wish I wouldn’t take myself so literally. Nobody ever laughs anyway. Half way home I call Angie a taxi on my mobile and dump her at the shopping centre. The very thought of what could have occurred sends chills up my spine. As I drive away, she screams horrible insults at me and I think of immature comebacks I’ll never use. I get home and wander what happened to my friends. Probably fucking. Fuckwits. I open the door and switch on the light. It doesn’t come on, and the others behave in pretty much the same way. It’s almost as if a thief has come into the house and taken only the light bulbs. My body, without consulting me, decides that seeing as though I’m tired, I may as well sleep on the floor. I arrive there with a THUD. I wake up at dawn with the sun shining through the flyscreen and right into my eyes. There’s a puddle of saliva sticking my face to the floorboards. I stand up and head for bed.

Well, this is like Jamster™ The Live Show Playing out my future ringtones I'm why people hated disco. Play my elevator electro Jacking off my outsized ego With you all numb from too much alcohol. I'M RETARDING YOU. I'M NOT PROVOKING THOUGHT. I'M JUST PROVOKING YOU. OH YEAH, I'M RETARDING YOU. Come on and I'll teach you to act slow Just ignore what you don't know And boogie down in my front row. Let's all pretend like we're so cool When all this looks like is a high school When the irony's over, you'll be a tool. (repeat chorus) You need to get down Or step the fuck up (massive, earthshaking breakdown) (repeat chorus x2) Waoh-wohw.

LOUDSPEEKA sends an ear bomb as a covert saw synth stab happy sunny sound suckers steal any beat/bass candy they can grab if they're gonna blow their ears at least the caning will come from this DJ back at home they find their drone-laced lollies mean they can't hear each other say "Awwww, we wanted that last tune to crystalise a never ending hoedown..." LOUDSPEEKA sends an ear bomb as a covert saw synth stab happy sunny sound suckers steal any beat/bass candy they can grab if they're gonna blow their ears at least the caning will come from this DJ "...instead our ears bleed tension in a one note whine drone breakdown..." Booty shake that booty shake that booty booty booty cutie cutie (x3) can you handle it can you handle it now? BASS thru ya TWEETA GULP by tha LITRE there ain't no sound SWEETA than from this loudSPEEKA at the end of the night you leave tha DANCEFLOOR you've caned yo'self but ya still want MORE sudden realization as you get to tha DOOR that yo' earz iz buzzin' coz da lobez iz SORE PERMANENT DAMAGE this you know iz tru YOU CAN'T HEAR SHIT when I talk 2 u I tried to tell u but i can't get thru won't be able ta sleep when u go 2 bed all da WHEEEE WHEEEE WHEEEE fukkin' wid' yo head addin' to da feelin' that you wish you woz dead SHOULDA GONE 2 DA MOVIEZ INSTEAD!!! Bleeding the tension Bleeding the tension Bleeding the tension Bleeding the tension Bleeding the tension Bleeding the tension" Booty shake that booty shake that booty booty booty cutie cutie (x3) can you handle it can you handle it now?

You look scared but I've only ever hurt someone five times And that was only an accident And that just might be a lie but I know exactly what I'm doing with you Is this a bad time to mention that I don't have no insurance? but I don't think it will matter What do you think could go wrong? You know I have your best interests at heart You paying attention? I wouldn't wanna up my average You look real scared but I've only ever hurt someone five times And then I drove him to hospital Oh yeah, I bought him a drink And then I even signed his casts I should mention that the cunt wasn't paying attention But you're paying attention, yeah? Well I should hope that you are You wouldn't want me on your arse You paying attention? I wouldn't wanna up my average You look scared... Broke his wrists with my fists Smashed his lips now he lisps After three he hit me So for four I broke his jaw Crushed his skull to the floor Got to five pulled a knife cops arrived I'm surprised and he's running for his life and I'm running for his life yeah, you better run You look scared but I've only ever hurt someone five times And it was no accident I'm full of rage and lies And I know exactly what I'm doing with you...